Hey church family, where are you?! We’re drowning…

Hey Church,

I thought we were supposed to be a family. I thought we were supposed to be one, united by the strongest power to ever touch this world. I thought that when one suffered, we all suffered? And that we were meant to dedicate our lives to building each other up?

I see you donate half a million dollars in 48 hours to a brother who lost his job. I see you write article after article about his unfair treatment. I see you quickly jump to his defense on Facebook posts. I see your passion… I see you know what it means to stand in solidarity with your family.

But what about your brother who didn’t just lose his job, he lost his life? What about your sister who has been treated with absolute disdain. What about your siblings, Church, your LGBTIQA+ family who are drowning out here? Where are you?

We’ve been drowning for a while… in being silenced by our churches, in being completely ignored in our communities. A lot of us are struggling to find the energy to get up off the couch. We can’t turn on our laptops or televisions without bracing ourselves to be triggered.

We’re scared of scrolling through our newsfeeds to read the next un-empathetic comment about our apparent “anti-Christian queer agenda” and “impending doom”. Do you know what the concept of hell actually means, family? It means an eternity without the existence of God in our lives… have you ever pondered how scary it is to think that you might be cut off from God for the rest of your existence? To wake up in the morning and go to sleep filled with absolute fear, every hour of the day. Because God is the most important thing in your life.

Why haven’t you been our family, too? Why haven’t you been standing up to defend us? Why haven’t you rallied to prevent our suicides? Why haven’t you invited us in to ask about our pain? And genuinely listened to us?

WHY HAVEN’T YOU REMINDED US ABOUT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND GRACE? And judged us by our faith not our works? Why haven’t you raised funds for our mental health support services? Why haven’t you written articles and jumped to OUR defense on social media feeds?

We’re trying to live out here, church. We’re trying to survive out here. I thought we were supposed to be a family. And we’re drowning out here. We need you.

So, where are you, Church family, where are you?!

15 thoughts on “Hey church family, where are you?! We’re drowning…

  1. Joel Hollier says:

    So beautifully spoken, friend.
    This whole saga is taking its toll, and I’m so grateful for siblings like you who keep pointing us to the deep unity that Christ calls us to. Thank you for your words of clarity and heart.
    Much love.


  2. Dan says:

    As a straight, cis gender white dude, I’m sorry…sorry for the indifference to your pain, for setting up false culture wars, for putting dogma and doctrine above your welfare…

    You are loved…

    My prayer is that this horrific moment opens the eyes of those who can’t see.

    Grace and peace to you.


  3. Wendy Mitchell says:

    Read Charles D. Myers Jnr “What does the Bible really say about homosexuality” and be encouraged that ONE DAY the church will understand. ONE DAY you’ll no longer suffer this crazy ostracized life.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Loy Buckley says:

    The relentless denouncement, judgement and vilifying of LGBTIQ+ persons is crushing for those of us who are doing our best to stand in solidarity and encourage informed conversations – so what is it doing to the gender diverse community? It is physical, emotional and spiritual pain being inflicted on those who are most vulnerable.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Nat says:

    Thank you for the eloquent words that describe how so many of us are feeling. I’m feeling this too. Social Media is as dangerous now as during the plebishite. I was pleased to find your blog post in my feed to interrupt the rest of the Folau madness.
    Thank you


  6. Penny in Adelaide says:

    We are out here, Steff, welcoming you with the warmest of hugs, loving you with all our hearts. We are out here loving God, Jesus and the Spirit more than anything. We are out here with our Aboriginal brothers & sisters, our Muslim & Jewish friends, the poets & the artists, the poor peoples, the earth/trees/animals/birds/fish. We are out here being the Kingdom of God. We are out here in the joy, the tears, the laughter, the pain, the broken-ness, the parties, the laments, the action and the contemplation. We keep one toe in the church because we desperately want to stay connected, but most of our weight is on the outside. We are outside, tragically, because the Church was silent for us and rejected us too.

    LUKE 14


  7. Elias says:

    well written, got to remind each other of Gods love to fill in for the church’s failures. often when thinking of that word, dioceses synods conferences buildings are what we think is what the word has in mind. the of god, the temple of god. when the Lord said the temple was these (people).

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Ali says:

    I’m so sorry that this keeps happening. Its so heart-wrenching and wrong. Thank you for continuing to speak your truth, Steff. Your words are important and I’m sorry you have to keep sharing them in these circumstances. It must be beyond exhausting. When you next need to catch your breath, tell me what couch you’re on so I can come sit with you.


  9. Craig says:

    Thank you for taking the time to write when I just feel so flat at times and struggle on a daily basis. It is a whole another world out there that are aiming to hurt us and people are just people… if only they can feel our pain and the mental torment, the loss we feel when someone ends their life, we do get encouragement from time to time but you have to know where to look for it – its not out there to jump to our defence. God has so much patience and unconditional love and we look around and see such travesty that we block out God in our lives because we hurt. I long for the days where I just be me and not be scared, or looking over my shoulder, or having to hold someone while they sob in my arms while I am feeling angry at why they are crying from the injustice, to be able to hold my partner’s hand while at the church service seems like a dream but never a reality. Well meaning Christian who say things that are so horrendous that I seriously want to smack them in the face because Jesus would never say that to us. We are drowning in a sea of misery and confusion. Listening to the wrong people who think they know best but don’t even apply the bible in their lives. Telling us we can’t be Christian and Gay is a bit like saying you can’t have strawberry in a milkshake – bit of an oddity. We are used to conditional love that we wouldn’t know how to live and breath unconditional love if it smacks into us… we know others have restraints from loving us and we experience people outside of church who love us unconditionally. We love others unconditionally and we get hurt when they turn away from us because we can’t change who we are to fit into their expectation. So yeah we have been drowning for a very long long time… treading water and keeping afloat is all we can do and when our time is up, hopefully there will be heaven for us too. Hell isn’t so bad when you consider that we’ve been living in hell for a very long long time. We kind of get used to it and I’m sure this break’s God’s heart when he reads what I think and believe because I’m a bit jaded and tired, worn out and still waiting. Sometimes the heart just doesn’t want to be fixed because it will only be disappointed again and again and Christians are just Christians who still don’t get it. Sometimes I feel like it is easier to be the person under the table appreciative that I crumbs I can get while others have a feast at the table, and don’t look at me. I don’t think I will ever fit in. So yeah treading water and keeping out heads above the water is all we can do.


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